I don’t know what we had. I’m pretty sure it was something between too little and a lot of nothing. But it was something.
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I remember you begging. About three years ago. After breaking up a month before, I told you I needed to completely cut ties with you so I can properly mourn our mutual loss and move forward. But you begged me to stay. I was still in love with you so like a complete idiot, I agreed. It’d be hypocritical of me to say I didn’t hope that one day you’d realize I was worth the effort of upending your life, and running away with me.
“Friends", we both said. Pitiful, to say the least.
Fast-forward three years, look who’s left all alone. With the remains of something between too little and a lot of nothing. The child in me wants to throw a fit and demand I be given the same things I gave. Promises were made. Long ago. I can’t remember now. But people from the past who decided to stay in the past no longer owe us to keep their promises, do they? Just because you did and would do something for someone does not mean they would the same for you. I guess that’s what’s killing me. I led myself on and maybe part of it is my fault. But I am no child. I will not beg. If I didn’t beg then I surely won’t beg now.
I will allow myself to accept my losses, grieve for a while and finally, let go.
